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| Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Give Me A Second Chance? Writer : Anne ChuaLast Monday, I was at a private playback session with a group of young adults who shared stories about their losses and regrets. One of them shared a special moment where he regretted not dating the belle of his school when he had that one chance that all of his friends could only dream about. Yet he chose not to do so. That evening he wondered, what if... what if he had taken that chance? I pondered as I remembered moments in my life where I asked myself that very same question. There are so many 'what ifs' in our lives. Most of them are seen as wasted chances. Some are considered as opportunity costs. You wished like hell that you saw it coming and grabbed it while you had the guts to do it. You might have given up that dream of being a musician for the sake of finding a stable income. One of my regrets had been my rejection from the National Institute of Education (NIE). My initial plan had been to teach in a primary school after I graduated with my Diploma in Education. Simple, right? Yet in my situation, to have had a full certificate for my 'A' levels was a joke to all my teachers. I had been blacklisted by my JC teachers for failing most of my major subjects. Entering university was out of question since I had to work to help with my family's financial situation. When I did received my full 'A' level certificate from my teacher, I jumped for joy. Those results had cost me three months of intensive studying and daily shuttling from Queenstown (my home) to Bedok (my best pal's home). That savour of sweet victory had been worth the effort! However the certificate failed to guarantee my entry into NIE. I was devastated when the interviewer told me that I had to re-take my A levels.There was no way I could go through that horrifying experience of studying again. That night after the interview, I remembered crying so hard into my pillow and cursing at God saying, "Why me? Why this? Why do you give me a chance and then take it away? So unfair!!" On hindsight, the twist of events led me to a destiny with special education. If I had gone to NIE, I may have stopped teaching a few years later, knowing how disillusioned I would be with a rigid system. Thirteen years on, I have taught preschool children, adults, couples, young working people, elderly folks in my stint as a educational therapist and a part-time university lecturer. I see the wisdom of His better plan. I am humbled by the immensity of His plan for me. Never would I imagine how things would turn out after I had been rejected by NIE - How could I have seen all these things in my future? How would I have known that He saw more in me than I can ever fathom? It is so easy for us to gripe about what we have lost along the way. We imagine the things or people that could have been ours if only we have taken 'that' decision. Some of my friends still linger in the season of "Why am I so unlucky in life?". So they consult fortune tellers, fengshui masters and zodiac books to find their new paths and to block the bad things that are about to happen. Perhaps they never knew a Loving Father... a Generous God... someone who cares truly about us. Wait! Think about it. If God is so loving, wouldn't He be crying alongside us and know our deepest pains and desires? If God is all powerful and wise, then would He not bring you nearer to a better chance and a more suitable opportunity? If God already knows us deep within our real selves before we were born, wouldn't He be most appreciative of our greatest potential in becoming who we are? Yes, we often choose to believe the opposite. In our pain, we see the finite. In our minds, we see what has been broken. I am reminded of a little girl whom I am teaching. She cries very loudly whenever she wants attention and she screams when she wants something that I am holding in my hand. In her eyes, when we do not pay attention to her, she will kick up a fuss. I am teaching her mother to ignore the screaming and crying. I help her mother to see that all that fussing is not good for her. She needs to learn to ask for attention appropriately. In order for her to mature emotionally, she has to come to her mother quietly and learn to ask nicely. In our own ways, we are like this little girl when we do not get what we want. We throw emotional tantrums and boycott God in our own ways. What I came to realise was that God is teaching me how to communicate with Him. He was teaching me His love language... the language of prayer! To pray when I was hurting, to pray when I did not understand why and to pray through a seemingly impossible situation. Thus, I sit before my computer tonight and I am deeply affected by this revelation. I know I will never get the answers to the questions of 'what if', but I have found all the answers to "Where do I go from here?" For this, I am truly thankful!
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