 |
| Sunday, October 22, 2006
When the Going gets Tough... Writer: Anne ChuaAnne writes candidly about one morning's struggle to get to church, juxtaposed between what she would have preferred and what was actually best for her, ending with the line "This is specially written for you who is still struggling out there in your Christian journey." Okay, I admit. Sometimes it is very hard for me to get my butt to church on Sundays. When Saturday evening arrives, I would be debating within myself : Should I go to the evening services on Saturday instead, so that I can give myself a day off to do my own stuff for the whole of Sunday? By the time I figured that question out, the last evening's service would have been over. So I am back to the question of whether I should go on Sunday's 11am service which is the last one for the week. So why is it so hard for me to go to church? You must be thinking, "Oh boy, she is backsliding". The fact is I am not a bad Christian. I try to keep the two most important commandments of loving God and loving His people and most of the time, I enjoy praying and reflecting with my bible. But I must admit that it takes a great deal of human discipline on some Sundays to get me into a church building. I know as I write this entry, I am running the risk of being called up by any of my church's pastors who may chance upon this article. So, today was one of those harder days. I dragged my lazy self into the shower and got quickly into a cab knowing that I was at least 15 minutes late for the last service. As I sat there feeling rather sheepish about feeling apathetic about going to church, I sent an sms to two of my best Christian pals. One of them replied by telling me not to give up in this journey of being a Christian. The other shared with me about the commitment that I once gave to God. Well, I am often reminded about this difficult journey as a Christian and the commitment that it requires. It reminded me of the trials and tribulations of Christian, the protagonist of John Bunyan's book, "Pilgrim Progress" - Christian faced an arduous journey through the temptations and trials of life before reaching Heaven's gates. This 'trial of making it to church' feels like a test from God to me about my Yes to Him - that is if I looked at it from my perspective. All I saw were the amount of assignments piling on my floor, adding to the guilt about not having enough time to mark them. Most Sundays, I could imagine myself having a cup of coffee and marking the stack of assignments or doing some writing on my computer. I could also imagine switching on the television and catching up on the latest Korean drama serials. Generally, I can occupy myself happily with anything that is more interesting than to 'drag' myself through the ritual of getting ready and dressing up for the church service. Ah, the real test is whether I can get myself out of this door of my house before I change my mind. The minutes would tick by and I would be having the tug of war about going or not going. Hello?! Does this sound familiar to anyone of you out there? Okay, I admit. Sometimes I feel intimidated by people who do not have this problem of going to church. Most of my Christian friends would tell me that they would go to bed early on Saturdays so that they could be bright and early for church on Sundays (this could be the routine every day of their lives for the past 30 years). Somehow I am beginning to wonder if I was the only one who felt this tug of war in the Christian jungle out here. No one else seems to be having this problem. They all seem to say it is a joy to go to church. But the truth is this is only some of the times. Some days we can walk up the stairs to the auditorium feeling like the world is on our shoulders. On other days, we just had a big fight with our loved ones and we come with our hurts and anger before Him to worship Him. Let's confess right here, it is not always rosy out there in the church-going world. Let's be as real as we can be! Yes, but there is a condition attached to this real deal. The trick here is not to think too much or even start to verbalise about the decision. The idea is to lug your lazy bones right through the doors of the auditorium and the rest is up to God. So today I changed my attitude towards my struggle. I knew that it was hard for me to put myself through this tug of war, so I made the decision to not think about it but do it. This meant that I pushed myself into the shower, did not bother about dressing in my Sunday's best and rushed into a cab without thinking too hard. As I walked through the doors, I felt humbled by the presence of our awesome God. My pastor said to the whole congregation, "It is a privilege to worship our Lord! Let's not take it for granted!". I knew I came at the right time to hear that and I knew deep down I have taken it for granted once again! But as I worshipped the Lord in my not so Sunday best clothes, I felt very much at peace. And then this song from my Catholic past... Come as you are... That's how I want you Come as you are... Feel quite at home Nothing can change the truth that I love you Come as you are... why stand alone You see, God just wants us to be authentic in our worship, that is to be who we truly are right now. No, I am not condoning the act of ranting and raving at Him all the time. God does not deserve it! It is a heartfelt confession of the struggles between a Fatherly God and His child. We need to be honest about how we feel towards our current situation with our Father. If I can relive today's moments once again, I would still drag myself out of my house and go to church. Today, I learnt two important lessons. When the going gets tough, the tough really needs to get going. Secondly, I do not need to hide my apathy or lack of motivation from God, He knows and understands. I just have to move my butt to church in time to present it to our God with the altar that I have built with my tears. That is all that He wants from me and you. This is specially written for you who is still struggling out there in your Christian journey.
|
|
|
 |
 |